MTSU, the life changer

Dandelion Sunset over MTSU (Taken by Tressa :)

April 22nd 2015: 

I am about 15 days from graduation.15 days. This number represents how many days I thought this would never happen to me. Graduation with my bachelors degree is something I only felt like I could dream about and that it was a mirage that only appeared when my brain was taking half risks. It has been nine years since I graduated high school. 9 years of a journey I will never forget. Moving from my home town, saving up pennies on a dream to Tennessee and when I got here there were much more lessons to learn then just how to say Ya'll at the right time in a conversation. No, the real lesson came when I had to start over again. MTSU, 25 years old, everyone felt like a baby and here I was starting my TN over again. These last two years I have learned more about what love means then ever. I have felt like there have been things I like more then love, but never this love that I have found to be here at MTSU. It was like this campus was a sercret admirer waiting to woo me. It looked rough around the edges but after a while the true beauty showed it's glory of beautiful people. Two days ago I was walking on campus during the day, which only happens Tuesdays and Thursdays due to my internship in Nashville three times a week. It seemed like every where I turned I ran into someone I knew. One time in the library every corner I would turn I would see someone I knew and talk with them, and then I would end it and then look up and see another person wave. I thought to myself why is this happening, why have I been given this great gift? I realized it truly was a gift, it isn't just a personal attribute or because I was an RA for a year or because I have been here now for two years. It seemed those facts fell flat. God had given me a gift, a gift that I have not even believed he would give. It was wrapped in unassuming wrapping paper of grilled cheese and buildings that I could never find my way out of. It was gifts like banjo players, fall leaves brighter then the sun, old buildings with big windows and words of encouragement that would leave me sobbing. It was a tongue that needs to be controlled and a mouth that needed to be tamed. It was a brain that needed to be filled and voice that needed to be given back. A backpack that needed to be put on and a field to lay my head. A busy day that was filled to the brim but enough strength to do it. It was a roommate that I need to learn from and a best friend to show me how to laugh. It was a family away from home that taught me that I could move mountains when I didn't believe them. It was a deep conversation about love or a ride to the thrift store to have fun. It was all the music I got to hear at all the right moments I needed it most. It was the holy spirit whispering words of destiny and giving me vision for the future. It was hugs and waves and smiles that never were expected only surprised with. It was all the late night phone calls to mom and her telling me that I could make it and to keep going. So as I was wandering around campus tonight I realized one thing, You know when you love something so much you almost want to just melt right into it? I realized I just wanted to be one big puddle on the floor. Gosh I was such a thick wax with no heart when I came here. I didn't actually want Gods plan I wanted my own, sometimes I still want what I want, I know hard to believe. But I realized for the first time, I had surrendered, I had found a home in the desert, I had found a place to rest when I didn't know the outcome. So because of this I celebrate, I almost could have done without the BSW diploma but I guess I will take it for good measure. On to the next surrender, the surrender of the wax to be made into a puddle. 

Graduation Day! 

 

Prone to wander and end up at home

" Kissed by the moon, soft in the sand, melodies sing me down to sleep and up dreaming with memories of home" -TS 

I was walking with my hand clutching my coat to keep out the cold on my third walk that day from Lyon to Rutledge.  Ear buds in my ears l looked at the moon that my coworker Matthew had texted me about a few days earlier, mentioning how big it was on the horizon. I almost unknowingly whispered to my self, I'm home. 

The first thing people usually ask, where are you from? I say" California" almost grudgingly in hopes that their response wont be. "Why the heck did you move to TN when you already lived in CA???" Well the truth is Tennessee has felt like a parent trying to get me to walk on my own two feet. It has made me rely on so many things other then my self.It helped me make ends meet and survive a life I would have never expected for myself. Since I was little, I always wanted to do everything my self. Even before I could make full sentences I was saying "Self, Self" when doing any difficult task. As I turn from a 20 something into a this year 26thing I realize that it's not really about doing it all myself. Living in this community I have not laughed so much in a day as I do everyday in my residents halls. I am greeted with so many warm smiles and the feeling of a wind rush past your back when a familiar person comes in and sits next to you. Those are the times when my non traditional student mind turns off and I am sucked into a life of community I have longed for. I hope that one day I can continue this freedom that comes with living in a place that feels like the tide, with weights and freedoms flowing in and out trying to figure out trust and contentment. 

I have learned many things living on campus at age 26 but the most important one is make roots in your everyday, Where you feel like the deadlines are too flooding, your homesickness too silly, your mind too narrow and your heart still yearning. That is where we are met with the decision of "Will I put down roots today?" There are so many days that I have been flooded or parched, uprooted or tossed by the expectation I had for myself or that were unconsciously put on myself. But I know that my struggle was not met by an unheard reply, it was met with the same concrete stairs I walk up everyday. As I said goodbye to the community that I have learned to love embraced with all my fears and failures I came out thankful. This whole spiel was inspired by the music ringing in those ear buds, a song that was familiar in my high school years. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cKNleDdUFY

The welcome I receive with a new start

God is making a new road for me. I always knew that I would end up in San Jose one day but never knew the timing. Over this last year I have developed such a love for my beautiful town, Santa Maria. I have been so blessed by amazing people and adventures that will forever stand in my mind. After many years of a grateful heart for my community the Lord recently started to get me thinking about moving to a different area. After walking across the stage on a beautiful sunlit afternoon at Allan Hancock College I started to see my future open up. Those four years at community college were hard and long but God was preparing me for the season that I am about to begin. I then realized I wanted to go on a roadtrip around the U.S. to see what was out there. It is time. It is time to move along this road. I feel like I am coming up over a hill like the beautiful hills I see everyday in my beautiful Santa Maria Valley. Now that I have reached this summit I am finally seeing what is on the other side. I am ready to ride down, to have life exhilarate, the wind against my cheeks. God is dreaming with me. I am finally giving it to him. Understanding what a relationship looks like. So here is the start of this new hill, chapter, thing you call life.

Tressa

"It's not the long walk home that will change this heart
But the welcome I receive with every start" Mumford and Sons