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| " Kissed by the moon, soft in the sand, melodies sing me down to sleep and up dreaming with memories of home" -TS |
I was
walking with my hand clutching my coat to keep out the cold on my third walk
that day from Lyon to Rutledge. Ear buds in my ears l looked at the moon
that my coworker Matthew had texted me about a few days earlier, mentioning how
big it was on the horizon. I almost unknowingly whispered to my self, I'm
home.
The first
thing people usually ask, where are you from? I say" California"
almost grudgingly in hopes that their response wont be. "Why the heck
did you move to TN when you already lived in CA???" Well the truth is
Tennessee has felt like a parent trying to get me to walk on my own two feet.
It has made me rely on so many things other then my self.It helped me make ends
meet and survive a life I would have never expected for myself. Since I was
little, I always wanted to do everything my self. Even before I could make full
sentences I was saying "Self, Self" when doing any difficult task. As
I turn from a 20 something into a this year 26thing I realize that it's not
really about doing it all myself. Living in this community I have not laughed
so much in a day as I do everyday in my residents halls. I am greeted with so
many warm smiles and the feeling of a wind rush past your back when a familiar
person comes in and sits next to you. Those are the times when my non
traditional student mind turns off and I am sucked into a life of community I
have longed for. I hope that one day I can continue this freedom that comes
with living in a place that feels like the tide, with weights and freedoms
flowing in and out trying to figure out trust and contentment.
I have
learned many things living on campus at age 26 but the most important one is
make roots in your everyday, Where you feel like the deadlines are too
flooding, your homesickness too silly, your mind too narrow and your heart still
yearning. That is where we are met with the decision of "Will I put down
roots today?" There are so many days that I have been flooded or parched,
uprooted or tossed by the expectation I had for myself or that were
unconsciously put on myself. But I know that my struggle was not met by an
unheard reply, it was met with the same concrete stairs I walk up everyday. As I
said goodbye to the community that I have learned to love embraced with all my
fears and failures I came out thankful. This whole spiel was inspired by the
music ringing in those ear buds, a song that was familiar in my high school
years.
